Men Are Just Happier People.

What do you expect from such simple creatures?  Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t …

The following questions were answered by 2nd grade school children:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out …

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as CNN 5.0, FOOTBALL 3.0 and POLITICS 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running …

Question: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
Answer: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Question: Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
Answer: Yes, your bladder.
Question: When is the best time to get an epidural?
Answer: Right after you find out your pregnant.
Question: Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
Answer: Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.
Question: Where is the best place to store breast milk?
Answer: In your breasts.
Question: Is there a safe alternative …